Dominoes
by soleil-luna-day
Summary: This is my reworked fic to fit in with the events of OotP. Harry's final moments, and the thoughts of his friends in upcoming chapters. suicidal thoughts, etc... RR! -- formerly titled Loss of Innocence --
1. Harry

A/N: This will be an angsty sucide fic containing cutting and, well, eventual suicide. The song is 'Tourniquet' by Evanescence, yes, I know, my favorite. I have changed it since you first saw it so it fits with Order of the Phoenix.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't own Evanescence's 'Tourniquet' either. Honestly, if I did, do you really think I'd be sitting typing on my computer while I had literally MILLIONS of dollars to spend. No, at the least I'd be sitting in a mansion, counting my money. Over and over again. ^_^  
  
The ~ ~s mean it's the song.  
  
Well, I know I was going to post this later, but I'm sort of bored and I had the inspiration to write it now. So, here goes. ~pushes play~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The Loss of Innocence  
  
Chapter One: Harry  
  
Harry pressed the blade slowly down onto his wrist, watching the thin line of blood rush to the surface of the superficial cut. He barely felt the sting as he traced his finger over the long red line.  
  
It needed to be deeper. Deeper so the blood would overcome the pain. Deeper so the memories might fade, even if it were only for a little while. Deeper so he could feel something, anything was better than the nothing he felt as each day passed. Even pain.  
  
~I tried to kill the pain  
  
but only brought more~  
  
Cedric's death had caused his mind to reach an understanding: wherever Harry might go, no matter how isolated or urban the location, he would only cause pain and death. He put everyone he'd ever met in danger for their lives. Sirius had been first.  
  
~I lay dying  
  
and I'm pouring crimson regrets and betrayal~  
  
Fifth year had been the worst of any for Harry. His godfather died before his very eyes. Before Harry had even had the time to say what really mattered. That he loved Sirius. But he never got that chance.  
  
~I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming~  
  
Returning to Hogwarts after this trauma in his life hadn't been as welcome as he'd thought it would be. But, two years ago, his friends' faces had still held him to the surface, allowing him to continue. Now even they failed to bring him joy.  
  
~Am I too lost to be saved  
  
am I too lost?~  
  
Then came the next obvious attack on the Dursleys'  
  
He remembered clearly the day the Dursley's had died. He'd been with Hermione, Ron, and the rest of the Weasley's the summer before sixth year. They'd returned to Privet Drive to find, hovering in the sky, a lurid green Dark Mark.  
  
The house had been in disarray; pictures lay shattered in millions of pieces on the floor, the lock on every door broken, and three bodies lay next to each other, all bearing the same look of terror and disbelief on their faces.  
  
Voldemort's attacks slowed after his attempt at the Dursley's, but they had by no means stopped completely. That spring had been the last time he'd seen Hagrid. Until the funeral, at least.  
  
The final battle had been on French soil. The casualties for both sides were great, but the Dark had overcome the Light by a wide margin. Their methods to kill were grotesque, but nonetheless effective, and Aurors became few as they saw the bodies after the Death Eaters were finished. The day he found out about his old friend's death was the first time he'd pressed the blade into his skin. He smiled at the memory. He still had the knife.  
  
That was when Harry had been brought in. The Order of the Phoenix was an elite group dedicated to fighting the side of the Dark. Harry had been trained by their best and was soon pushed into battle. Sinking deeper into his own self-created darkness, the death he saw on the battlefield did nothing to prevent him from crossing the line, only his subconscious.  
  
He knew, deep down, he had a purpose. He reminded himself daily that he had created all the pain and death every day. He needed only to defeat Voldemort, and he knew then he could lay himself eternally to sleep.  
  
~My God, my tourniquet  
  
return to me salvation,  
  
my God, my tourniquet  
  
return to me salvation~  
  
When Hagrid died, on the eve of Halloween during his sixth year. The date was set by Voldemort. He wanted to inflict as much pain onto the youth as he could, and he succeeded by murdering a faithful friend exactly fifteen years after the death of his parents.  
  
~Do you remember me  
  
lost for so long  
  
will you be on the other side  
  
or will you forget me?  
  
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming~  
  
Then seventh year had come. With Harry fighting the battles for them, the Light was finally beginning to see hope. Battles were sporadic and quick, the outcome almost always being in favor of their saviour.  
  
At last, spring came and Harry's graduation was just around the corner. The final battle, too, came with it. Voldemort's forces were strong and ready. Giants, dementors, and Death Eaters were beside their Master waiting only for his call.  
  
It came. For the first time, Harry fought Voldemort head on, blocking curses and sending his own toward the Dark Lord. Catching Voldemort in a weakened moment only minutes from the end, Harry felt a curse flying at him from behind. He quickly spun with the words "Avada Kedavra" and killed the one who held the wand. Finishing Voldemort with a similar, yet more potent spell, he turned to see who had cast it.  
  
Draco Malfoy. He wore an expression not unlike the Dursley's. The image burned into Harry's mind, and he was unable to forget what he saw. Draco Malfoy would never graduate, never have his own family, and never see his future. Harry knew the blond boy had chosen the losing side, but he had never intended to take another peer's life.  
  
~My God, my tourniquet  
  
return to me salvation,  
  
my God, my tourniquet  
  
return to me salvation~  
  
At graduation, the pause where Draco's name should have been said was like a knife in Harry's heart. The only word that managed to cross his mind was "murderer" and he no longer fought it.  
  
That night he took out his blade for the final time.  
  
~My wounds cry for the grave  
  
my soul cries for deliverance~  
  
He stood in the deserted bathroom of the boy's dormitory and pressed the knife into his arm. Pressing harder to feel the most pain. Pressing to see the dark blood thicken on his otherwise white wrist.  
  
He pressed deeper until the world began to spin around him. He thought vaguely to himself that he'd done it. He'd finally succeeded everything he'd meant to in life. He'd finally brought resolution to the lives of others over the death of their own loved ones. He'd finally succeeded in bring an end to his own.  
  
It was with this final thought that Harry saw the world around him fade into blackness and he fell to the floor, not to be discovered by anyone until morning.  
  
~Will I be denied Christ  
  
Tourniquet~  
  
When he was found that morning by Neville Longbottom, his death was announced at breakfast in the Great Hall. His friends were left in denial and his teachers in disbelief. The only question being asked was 'Why?"  
  
And only one person ever knew.  
  
~My suicide~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: I know, it's angsty, but I was having a bad day, and this is the result. Please review and read my other fic while you're at it. It's not done and the chapters are short but, if you like angst, you'll like it, I guarantee.  
  
Thanx for reading  
  
REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!  
  
Oh, and  
  
R/R 


	2. Ginny

A/N: 'What's this?' you ask? 'An update from an author long deceased?' ^o^ I decided to update. School's been hectic along with summer. So shoot me. Not like I care. Flames don't hurt me, give 'em to me if you want to, at least they're reviews. They'll light the bonfire with which I will burn J.K. Rowling for offing Siri and Gary Oldman 'cause he's an evil actor with no talent that they assigned to play Siri. Of course, you probably don't care.  
  
I know I said this would be one-shot, but I changed my mind. This will be taken now from different points of view instead. Chapter Two, for instance will be Ginny's. YES, she will off herself. Thought you ought to know ~faints~ (LMAO! This is a Quirrel imitation for HPatSS/PS, it's all for you, Kinty).  
  
Oh, my bestest *snort* friend in the whole wide world started writing again. Go leave her some nice reviews, she deserves 'em. Her penname is Sputnik2006.  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. There, plain and simple. I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. I ALSO DON'T OWN EVANESCENCE'S 'MY IMMORTAL.' Why do I even bother? Obviously, the only person who DOES isn't writing FANficton or using their own songs to write it. DUH!!!  
  
Well, I'm done being pissed at disclaimers. I actually sort of like them, most of the time. Twisted, huh? Well, what can I say, I'm one in twelve million. :P  
  
~pushes play~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The Loss of Innocence  
  
Chapter Two: Ginny  
  
Ginny walked into the Great Hall the morning after Ron, Hermione, and Harry had graduated with a heavy heart. Something was wrong; she just couldn't place what it was. She saw Ron and Hermione sitting at the Gryffindor table looking at the entrance every few moments, as if they were expecting someone to enter at any moment.  
  
She sat with them, silently wondering where Harry was. To put it plainly, she was worried. He'd been sinking deeper and deeper into depression. He never talked or smiled any longer, even when with his closest friends.  
  
The headmaster walked in several minutes after breakfast had begun. He called an immediate silence to the student body and spoke into the silence.  
  
"It is indeed unusual to find myself in this hall for breakfast, but I am afraid I have some grave news to tell the school. I fear the Gryffindors may suffer most from it. There has been a death."  
  
Whispers broke out before the headmaster could finish his statement. The Gryffindors, however, looked at each other, wondering what he meant, deducting from their numbers which student it could be. Before they were able to do so, however, Dumbledore called everyone to attention once more. "As I said before, there has been a death, the death of a student just graduated." The seventh years hung their heads to hold back oncoming tears. It was narrowed down to only two: Neville Longbottom and Harry Potter.  
  
The headmaster continued somberly, "Mr. Harry Potter was found dead this morning by Neville Longbottom in the bathroom of the boy's dormitories. It was an act of suicide. I must ask for a moment of silence to honor the memory of Mr. Potter, an exemplary student and hero to the wizarding world."  
  
Every house silenced upon the request and closed their eyes to the Boy-Who- Lived, and took his own life, it seemed. Ginny took this moment to flee from the hall, earning herself knowing glances from both Ron and Hermione who also had tear-filled eyes.  
  
She ran to her own dormitory where she sat and cried for several hours into her pillow, through the comings and goings of her peers. Night found Ginny in the same position. Her tears had dried and she decided to pack for the train the following day. She shuffled through the papers covering her night stand, but was surprised when a letter addressed to herself fell to the floor noiselessly.  
  
She opened it tentatively, inside seeing a piece of carefully folded parchment with neat handwriting flowing over the page in deep green ink. It was Harry's handwriting, to be sure, and contained his final farewell to Ginny.  
  
~*~  
  
'Ginny,  
  
'I'm sorry it had to be this way. Only you understand why, I'm sure, and that's why I leave you this letter instead of Ron or Hermione. The last few years, as you know, have been difficult times for everyone, but you saw through that and tried to help me, even though I was hopeless from the start.  
  
'In the end, you knew it would have to happen this way.'  
  
~*~  
  
~I'm so tired of being here  
  
suppressed by all my childish fears~  
  
Ginny's mind recalled all the times she'd talked to Harry about the cuts on his wrist. He'd denied they were intentional, but the numbers of them grew and she eventually stopped asking. She'd been frightened at first, by Harry's lack of love for his own life, but realized, with time, that he truly had nothing to live for save his friends who were often too wrapped up in themselves to pay Harry any mind.  
  
That was when he began talking to Ginny.  
  
He'd been in the common room the night after he'd learned of Hagrid's death and sat there for hours, a blank yet haunted expression on his face. It looked like he was on the verge of tears, but no tear fell from the dull emerald eyes.  
  
~And if you have to leave,  
  
I wish that you would just leave  
  
Because your presence still lingers here  
  
And it won't leave me alone~  
  
She'd tried to comfort Harry, and it seemed to help. He began to talk more, the light coming back into his eyes. A slight smile would work its way onto his face when he spoke with Ron and Hermione.  
  
Ginny knew the Order also helped him. It gave him a will to live on. But she never knew for how long. She knew each day, he might crack. He wasn't an unfeeling person. For each death he was responsible for, he felt pain and guilt.  
  
~these wounds won't seem to heal  
  
this pain is just to real  
  
there's just too much that time cannot erase~  
  
The pain built up inside him, and she did nothing to stop it. And after the final battle, she'd seen him so withdrawn from everything. He spoke with a hollow voice, if he bothered to speak at all. His face became drawn and pale, the only color the dark marks under his eyes and the dim green of his eyes. The eyes that had been fading for many months now.  
  
And now Ginny herself was fading. She knew she could have stopped Harry from taking this final drastic action, and she'd done nothing. This night, she knew the measures she was going to take.  
  
~when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears  
  
and i've held your hand through all of these years  
  
but you still have all of me~  
  
That night, before Ginny headed to her own final destination, she wrote a letter to her family. Her own admission of guilt and need for resolution. Her own plea for forgiveness from her parents and brothers. She left it on her bed, where no one would look before it was too late and once the dormitory seemed asleep, she crept away to the astronomy tower. And was never seen alive again.  
  
~you used to captivate me  
  
by your resonating light  
  
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind  
  
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
  
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me  
  
these wounds won't seem to heal  
  
this pain is just too real  
  
there's just too much that time cannot erase  
  
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears  
  
and i've held your hand through all of these years  
  
but you still have all of me  
  
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
  
and though you're still with me  
  
i've been alone all along~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: So, how was it? I know the astronomy tower thing was kinda cliché, but I didn't want her to copy Harry, and I've really been scaring my friends with all this suicide crap, so I didn't want to describe it in detail. Yeah, I know it's kind of odd, sorry. If you don't like it, tell me, and I'll work on making the next chapter better. :P  
  
So. that's all. Onto review response.  
  
pablo5280, Parselmouth Majere: Aww, thankies. I'm glad you liked it!  
  
Sputnik2006: I updated, happy? :P I WIN!  
  
Erin10: YAY! I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the support. ^_^ I love your fics!!!  
  
Life'sBlood: Okay, I love this review so much, I'm going to put it in here:  
  
'maybe i'm just not an angst fanatic, but that was really, really gross. If thats what you think about on your bad days, i really hope this is better therapy for you.'  
  
Wow, now that is the meanest review I've ever gotten. Of course, when I got it, I was laughing so hard I fell off the chair. Literally. Just ask Kinty. *blink* I don't think it was gross. Have you ever thought of a time when you just didn't want to live to see tomorrow? A lot of people do. This wasn't even a bad day. I just didn't like writing those happy-go- lucky fics everyone seems to adore. Do me a favor and FUCK OFF. If you didn't like it, you should have said it nicely. You don't even HAVE any fics for me to flame. Write mean reviews when you actually have something to compare it to.  
  
Please, review!!! 


	3. Ron

A/N: Oh. Mai. Gawd! What's this? I'm UPDATING??? Can it be?!  
  
I'm SOOO sorry to have abandoned everything, but, heh, I lost interest in fanfic. But, as per usual, I kept my bio updated. if anyone out there EVER wants ficcie status, go to my bio. It's always there.  
  
Disclaimer: Um. I don't own Harry Potter or the lovely Evanescence song I'm going to use for the chapter. Harry Potter belongs to JK, who has been formerly replaced by me as God because I don't like what she did to OotP, and Hello belongs to Evanescence which belongs to the people in Evanescence.? Amy Lee, etc? Je ne sais pas. READ.  
  
And don't worry, Ron isn't gonna off himself. The ones after Harry and Ginny are just going to be reactions. and Ginny wasn't in LOVE with Harry, she just felt like he was keeping her alive through his need to talk to someone like her, and when he died, she. gave up? Just wanted to clarify that.  
  
And, again, ~ ~ means it's not the story, but the lovely song. ^^  
  
~pushes play~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Dominoes  
  
Chapter Three: Ron  
  
"There has been a death. Mr. Harry Potter. suicide." The words echoed through the Great Hall. They were hollow, disbelieving, but could not be denied.  
  
"Harry Potter was found dead."  
  
Ron Weasley blinked back tears at these words. Harry? Dead? And by his own hand no less. He should have seen it coming. As the headmaster called for silence, his sister ran from the room in despair.  
  
He knew he should have followed. His little sister, whom he'd promised he'd always look after had just suffered the loss of the person that could be called no less than her boyfriend. An unspoken boyfriend, but the moments they had spoke for themselves. He knew he should have been worried.  
  
~Playground school bell rings again  
  
rain clouds come to play again~  
  
He left the Hall shortly after Dumbledore called for silence. He skived the day's classes, which, even on an uneventful day, would be meaningless due to their recent graduation. His only thoughts, however, were on finding Ginny.  
  
Upon searching the castle and deeming it empty of his sister, he decided she could only be in her dormitory. But asking Hermione to check earned him only a glare and a faint whisper that she needed to grieve for Harry on her own.  
  
But as their last morning on the Hogwarts' campus arrived, a faint scream was heard in every room from the grounds. It seemed Professor Sprout had happened on a body while on her morning walk through the grounds.  
  
~Has no one told you she's not breathing  
  
hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to.  
  
Hello~  
  
The body was taken immediately to the hospital wing. Looking mournfully at the body of sixth year student Ginny Weasley lying before her, Madame Pomfrey deemed her dead on arrival. Family was called.  
  
Ron arrived first, having been only rooms away when the announcement was made. He ran to the hospital wing to find a clean, but disfigured Ginny before him. His sobs were heard far down the hall. it couldn't be. Not his sister. Not happy Ginny, who'd grown up laughing surrounded by six raucous boys in what could only be described as a loving environment. She'd come to school excited at the prospect of learning magic where all her brothers had, not to mention near her brother's best friend, the famous Harry Potter.  
  
But he'd been her downfall. The reason she would never see her eighteenth, birthday. The reason she would never graduate, find a job, get married, have a family. His best friend. The famous Harry Potter.  
  
~If I smile and don't believe  
  
soon I know I'll wake from this dream~  
  
Bastard.  
  
~Don't try to fix me I'm not broken  
  
hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide.  
  
Don't cry~  
  
But he knew that he wouldn't have traded it for anything. He knew Ginny would never have traded Harry's company for anything. He, Ron, wouldn't have traded those first four, even five years, for Ginny to come back. He'd been so good a friend. So understanding, and, if it hadn't been for Harry, his sister would have been dead anyway.  
  
With all the pain and grief coursing through his body numbed with sorrow, he barely noticed the arrival of his mother and father, and gradual trickling in of the other Weasleys. Words of comfort and remorse were passed, but silence prevailed after a short period of time, and they found comfort in each others' company. Hermione slipped in after the tears had stopped and slipped her arm around Ron's, knowing tomorrow would indeed come.  
  
~Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping  
  
hello I'm still here  
  
all that's left of yesterday~  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I know, it's short, but, hey! It's here, is it not? And earlier than promised. But, short song, short fic. The next installment will be. umm. I don't know. o.0 send me suggestions.  
  
But NOT Dumbledore. I am NOT attempting him. EVER.  
  
Review Response.  
  
All: Thank you for your support of the vicious psycho who 'flamed' me. ^^ Each of your responses made my day. s. Days.  
  
Sputnik2006: MY COLD SORE REVIEWED!!! Lol, tankees, Kinty.  
  
Erin10: Thanks for finding me! And I want to read/review your stories again, I really do, but I haven't had an excess of time on fanfic! I will. I will. I will read them.  
  
Also thanks to: MizGin, Agnei Smith, adragonlady, OwLPoStAgAiN, LeatitiaVia, and Tyster.  
  
Your reviews are appreciated! 


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